Express Yourself?

 

This morning Twitter, Facebook, the papers, the TV are full of pictures from the 'Met Ball' in New York. As with the Oscars, this so-called ball appears to be a large and commercial catwalk and very little else.  I can't imagine what the pressure over outfit choice must be like, especially for those lower down the celebrity pecking order and hoping to be noticed for all the right reasons.

 

So I am confused as to what to think about Madonna's Met Ball get-up last night.  Madonna has always gone out to shock and I suppose her garb was nothing new. It's just that I am worryingly uncomfortable with someone of her age dressing like that.  I say worrying because I firmly believe in a person's right to be how they want, dress how they want etc.

 

 



However, between the weirdness (to say the least) of the outfit and the contortions of her strangely altered face, one could not help wishing that she was not a little more willing to head a little more into 'elder statesperson' territory and have a little more dignity.  She has surely nothing left to prove to anyone.  And given the apparent rift between her and her son, you can't imagine she has done much for her son's frame of mind.  Teenagers do not like to be embarrassed by their parents.  They don't even like you to dance in public let alone get your bottom out for the world's press.

I would believe the same about any star who behaved like this.  Male or female.  But I suppose the sad fact is that it is fine for the Rolling Stones and other males to carry on with craggy faces and slack necks.  Women feel they have to continually prove their bodies remain unchanged.  I got so sick of the word 'showcasing' being used in tabloids describing some female celebrity out and about in a low top or a short skirt.  But when I thought about this, really isn't that what these people are doing?  They want to make a living from looking good.  They may want to be good actors but Hollywood will not let them just act.  They have to be like models, to compete with models' for product endorsements and to defy both age and gravity with their faces and their bodies.  The same goes for ageing popstars (see Kylie's permanently surprised expression).

Wouldn't it be far more radical, therefore, for Madonna and others to embrace their ages?  To dress well and to not care what others think rather than treading water, frantically trying to remain 'edgy' and 'shocking'?  Wouldn't that be a better example?  Saying, I don't have to dress like a twenty year old to make music still.

I guess there isn't much of a family history link with this post.  But one thing from history - after the French Revolution, a number of the most famous women in Paris took to going to the opera and theatre completely topless except for a diamond necklaces.  So Madonna and others have a way to go yet...

Adolescent Angst

 

On my family tree there are some people who were clearly forced to grow up very quickly.  On every family tree, in fact, there will be ancestors who married young, joined the army young, died of horrible diseases after childhood's blighted with illness.  The ones which stand out on mine are a couple of Anglo-Indian girls who married at 13 or 14 and a pair of brothers who, having lost both parents, were sent, in their early teens, into the army via music scholarships.  Both stayed in the army all of their lives, although only one died in middle age.

 

And now, as I struggle with the beginning of the teenage years for my eldest child, I have begun to question how such ancestors - and the millions like them - managed to begin adult lives so early.  I have been reading quite a lot of articles about teenagers.  My son is a good lad on the whole but there has been that very definite Harry Enfield-esque shift in his manner and attitude.  And, joy, it is only going to get worse.

 

One of the arguments around teenage psychology is about to what extent the 'teenager' is a modern invention.  Some believe that there was no such thing until the 1950s.  That young people went from childhood to dressing like their parents, getting jobs and settling down with nothing in between.  No experimentation, no rebellion.

 

However, the biological and cognitive changes in children between around twelve and seventeen are substantial and surely these cannot be a modern 'invention'.  The changes in their mental abilities during this period are very important for their future lives.  There are all sorts of huge life changes to deal with - all linked to their increasing independence.  And thanks to all of this, they are particularly vulnerable to abuse by others or of substances.

 

So how did our teenage ancestors cope with marriage, work, etc?  Modern Western children could not marry at 13 even if it was legal.  Most are still far too dependent on adults and far too immature in general - despite their attempts to have us believe otherwise via social media!  For example, for my above-mentioned ancestors, I am assuming the girls that married at thirteen then had to run households.  They did not make fantastically wealthy matches and then sit around chatting all day.  My kids can barely keep track of their pocket money or remember to feed the dog!  Actually, maybe despite the faux maturity projected on instagram, etc, possibly we have made teenagers less able to cope.  They are never completely out of contact with us, we drive them everywhere and we agonise over their every grade.

 

I think the 'teenager' definitely is an invention in terms of the recognition, by 1950s advertisers, of the huge marketing potential of the age group.  However, I do think that humans must always have had the attitudes, insecurities and frustrations during this period of their lives.  One of the biggest problems which Marie Antoinette had when she arrived in France, aged 14, to marry the heir to the throne was her own immaturity, capriciousness and tactlessness.   Quite the teen queen.

 

My issue now is how to deal with  these changes, these attitudes without losing communication with my son.  I know it is a phase and I know it will pass.  I just wish I knew when.  To quote Harry Enfield's Kevin, 'It's SO UNFAIR!'

PS my fiction writing efforts are continuing.  My first ever proper short story has been published on Kishboo e-magazine.  If you have a chance, please do read it and vote if you enjoy it!  It has an Anglo-Indian theme, in keeping with my family history interests!